Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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