Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
