im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
