I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
