It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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