It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
