I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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