New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
