fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
