Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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