I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
