I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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