how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
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