Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
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