I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
