apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
