my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I have fence marks all over my body
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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