Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
