Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
