things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
