some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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