Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
