so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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