I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
