I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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