the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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