I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
