My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
