I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
