i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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