Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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