i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
