Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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