Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
