Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
