Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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