My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
