I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You're like the curious george of whores
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
