do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
