Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
