I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
