when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
