So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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