Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
