Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
