he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
