I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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