I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
