What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
