I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
