I just pynch a tree in the face
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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