i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
