just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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