Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
