winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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