I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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