Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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