Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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