; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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