Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
