I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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