You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
