Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
