He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We need to get me chipped asap
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
