and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
