Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
